Kids and Pets

I’m getting by on about four hours sleep right now so I’m probably not as clear headed as I could be. Okay, I just plain and simply am not. But I swear! It has absolutely nothing to do with the decision I came to this afternoon.

I can’t just write blogs about health.

Having to stick to just one subject makes me feel claustrophobic. So, if you have a question of any kind, bring it on!

Well, let me qualify that just a tad. I won’t do “R” or "X" rated searches. I also won’t look up the origins of curse words. And you should know if you want sports or map related stuff, they'll probably be the shortest blogs in the history of blogs.

But ask me about most anything else and I’m your girl! I’ll do my level best to find the best information I can for you. Which I will then ‘blog’ about. Using as much humor as I can get away with, because that’s just what I do.

I like to laugh. Even more, I like making other people laugh.

For instance, if I could adequately describe my kids, getting Jack-our seventy pound puppy-into the bathroom for his monthly bath, you’d probably fall out of your chair. One was dragging him, one was pushing him and Jack was digging his claws in for all he was worth.

A seventy pound puppy?!

Uh-huh. He just turned eight months old. I don’t even like to think how big he’s going to wind up being. At the moment Jack pretty much walks us. He also thinks he can sit in your lap.

That works out real well...

Whatever. Jack’s been a very interesting addition to our family. A highly energetic puppy who eats like a horse. And he eats pretty much everything that isn’t nailed down. And even some stuff that is! We had to stop giving him time outs in the bathroom when we discovered the woodwork around the doorway was worked very nicely as a snack. But he’ll eat your socks, your lip gloss, a clothespin, rocks and grass. Obviously he’s not a picky eater.

His favorite thing chew, though, is a leash. And he’s gone through six of them in the four months we’ve had him. I finally gave up wasting my money and just bought clothesline, braiding it together over the metal thing that hooks to his collar. That was the only heavy duty thing about the last leash that really was heavy duty.

Yes, I like writing about Jack. And Shadow, our eight year old black lab. I also like writing about Sam, our twenty-plus pound cat, Sophie our dainty looking cat-who is the biggest klutz on the planet, and I might grow to like writing about the kittens someone dumped off in our yard about a month ago. The kittens that my daughter pleaded with me to keep.

And I said no! Four pets is more than enough! No way, no how, get ready to take them to the Humane Society!

But wore me down, relentless, merciless brat that she is.

And so we have added to the menagerie, “the boy cat,” and “the girl cat.” Emmy is being tossed around for the female. But it’s the male that’s causing an uproar. My daughter is voting for Dean or Li’l Dude. I’m leaning toward Li’l Dude.

But she thinks Dean would be cool, since we’ve already got Sam. Obviously we are Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki fans around here. For the record, that is the only show I watch that’s scary. And sometimes it’s so scary I have to take a pass on it.

It’s because of that show that I became a fan of Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Wow. God sure did a good job on that guy!

I know. I’m rambling tonight. But four hours of sleep can cause you do that....

So I’m going to stop right now and go hunt up a little thing I wrote awhile back. Although I should give you some background first.

My son is autistic. High functioning, but autistic. And he tends to see things just a little differently than I do sometimes. He also tends to get extremely annoyed with me when I’m not interested in purchasing any of the “great deals” he watches on infomercials. That’s what this particular story is about.

One Saturday night my boy came peeling out of his bedroom, extremely excited over an infomercial he'd just seen. About a knife set, of all things. What follows is pretty much the word-for-word conversation between us:

Mom! Mom! This is so cool! You get a LOT of knives, Mom. Stainless steel knives that won't get dull no matter what you do with them. You can cut cans, you can cut wood...ALL for just three easy payments of $13.33!

That's cool, son, but we don't need knives.

But Mo-om, you get a lot of knives-and it comes with not one set of steak knives but two! In case you have a lot of company!

Sorry, son, but if we had that much company we'd be having sloppy joes.

But Mo-om! That's eight steak knives! All for three easy payments of $13.33!

I'm really sorry but we don't need more steak knives.

But it comes with kitchen scissors! So you can cut up chickens and other stuff, Mom. And the first knife they showed is guaranteed so if it gets dull they'll replace it. But only the first knife. The rest of them aren't guaranteed.

WE DON'T NEED KNIVES!!!

But you can have them all for three easy payments of $13.33!

No!

Those knives sell for $840.00 and you can have them for just three easy payments of $13.33!

I don't really care. I'm not buying them.

That's stupid, Mom! You'd waste $800.00 when you could have had those knives for just three easy payments of $13.33? That's just stupid! (he is livid by this time)

Well, I'm not wasting $800.00 on any set of knives, so you don't have to worry about it.

(he's walking back to his room muttering...)

That's just stupid. You could have had all those knives for just three easy payment of $13.33....